This month is National Adoption Awareness month, in honor of that I’ve asked a few people surrounding me to write about their experience with my adoption. Adoption affects more than just me, it also affects those around me. I’m starting with my brother, who if you didn’t know was also adopted, and also shares the same birth mom as me. So he’s probably the one closest tied to my adoption. But our experiences of how it has affected us is very different. I think it’s important to see how two people can share birth mom’s, get raised by the same adoptive parents, live under the same roof & STILL not experience the same emotions of being adopted.
Let me start by telling you that my brother does not open up & talk about this, like rarely ever. So when I asked him if he was willing to share I did not expect for him to write as much as he did. It was surprising in a good way. I’m so happy that he opened up about it. A few of these things I am actually learning for the first time myself.
Here is my brother’s perspective….
My name is Jordan, I am Jenni’s brother, the other adopted one mentioned in this Adopted Ride journey she’s been sharing. For those of you who know me well, you know I’m not really the type of person who opens up especially when it comes to all this feelings stuff but my sister asked me to write something and I felt like I should so here’s a little something from my perspective that will hopefully help my sisters cause. I think this platform my sister has been involved in creating is pretty awesome and I truly hope her efforts and experiences she shares on here about adoption will be heard and help those who need to hear it.
My sister and I have the same birth mom but the fact of us being adopted has affected her life much differently than mine as you will learn from what I share. Unlike Jenni, I have not met our birth mom. I’m at a place where I’m unsure exactly what my feelings are on everything and don’t know when or if I’ll reach a point where I’m ready to meet her. Growing up I always found our story fascinating, my sister and I both having the same birth mom and being adopted by the same family, I mean that’s something pretty unique, and dang cool if you ask me. I always knew my sister had a strong desire to know who our birth mom was but don’t think it really hit me how serious she was until she told me she had actually found her. My interest in finding our birth mom was kinda off and on, or how my sister put it “wishy-washy”.
When I was 19 I went on a mission for our church and right before leaving, my desire to find or know about her was at an all time high for some reason. Before I left I took some letters and information my parents had saved over the years and read through them multiple times over the next year or so. Then one night my companion was listening to some music and a song came on that I had never heard but it I instantly caught my attention. The song was called “From Gods arms, to my arms, to yours” by Michael McClean. The songs starts off with him telling a story of a young woman who called him and told him she was pregnant and had decided she was going to adopt her baby and she asked him to write a song that she could give to the family who was going to adopt her baby. I felt the words in that song were speaking directly to me. The words in the chorus of the song go like this: “Maybe, you could tell your baby. When you love him so, that he’s been loved before. By someone, who delivered your son; From God’s arms, to my arms, to yours.” The interest I had in meeting my birth mom kind of disappeared in that moment because I felt that she did what was best for me and gave me to the family where I was supposed to be.
For the pieces of the adoption puzzle to come together it requires 3 things; a child, birth-parents & adoptive parents. I want to look at each piece of that puzzle in my life and share how they have had an impact on and in my life.
Like I mentioned before, I have never met my birth mom, so I know very little about her. I have only seen pictures and heard of few things about her that my sister has told me. The one thing I do know is that she made a huge decision that impacted me forever, and even though she wasn’t going to keep me she was still going to give me life. If that’s all I ever knew about her that would be enough. Because she made that decision, I was given a chance at life and for that I will always be grateful to her.
I know even less about my birth dad, I really don’t know a single thing about him. But from the couple letters I’ve read it seemed as if when my birth mom got pregnant he wanted no part of being there for her or being a dad. And weirdly enough, that knowledge had a huge impact on my life. Fast forward 26 years and I was put in a similar situation, the girl I was “dating” at the time got pregnant. Long story short, me and my sons mom didn’t have a future together but in that moment I made a choice not to choose the path my birth dad chose. Instead I chose to own what happened, to be present and to be a dad. Without a doubt its by far the greatest decision I’ve ever made in my life.
I feel like my sister and I lucked out in the parents we got through adoption. I think they have blessed our lives as much as they felt we blessed theirs when they adopted us. They have always done everything and more to give us a great life. I know I’ve been through a lot in my life and they have always been there and been supportive through the thick and thin. I like to imagine they gave us the life our birth mom wanted us to have when she chose to adopt us.
In the words of Maya Angelo, “Family isn’t always blood, it’s the people in your life who want you in theirs: the ones who accept you for who you are, the ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.
I loved finally getting to read his side. I remember always hounding him about feelings and hoping he’d have the desire to meet her with me one day. I remember having talks before his mission and then when he came home he had zero desire to even discuss it. It was disappointing to say the least. Now I know why!
His story, his experience it’s all HIS! We might share birth moms, adoptive parents and blood but that doesn’t mean we feel the same things and that’s okay. Having him in my life has forever been one of my greatest blessings. He’s my big brother & we’ve always been close even when we hate each other. He might royally suck at telling me he loves me, unless I force him to say it. But I love him. I’m so lucky to have had him all this time. Can you imagine him meeting me now and feeling so robbed of a life with my awesomeness?! hahaha. I love ya yarden! Even if you call me furry girl.
Note that all things written are based off of personal experience.