It’s been a year and seven months since we found my birth parents using AncestryDNA. Making the move to reach out to my birth mom was instantaneous. I couldn’t do it soon enough once figuring out it was her. However when it came to my birth father I was hesitant about making the move, which is why I haven’t
…………. until now.
From time to time the past 7 months I’ve repeatedly thought about contacting him, I just couldn’t. Too scared, too unsure if I wanted too, too everything. But even though I was hesitant I couldn’t stop wondering about doing it. I knew that if I never did then I would regret it and only continue to be filled with more wonder.
After practicing what I would say about 17 times I found his name in my phone, took one of those big & deep holy shit breaths and I pushed call.
Let me just tell you, dial tones have never felt longer. And just when I thought I’d get his voicemail he picked up! I was internally freaking out and trying to not fumble through the entire 30 minute call. But it was fine…Some awkward, some laughs, some stings but done at least.
There is no telling where it will go from here and I’m surprisingly ok with that. What I do know is that I’m so relieved that I was finally able to make the move.
Sure it was terrifying & I had to push completely out of my comfort zone to follow through. But doing so has provided me with a few more missing puzzle pieces, some questions answered & a relief that’s hard to explain – no matter how it turns out.
I am notorious for withholding thoughts, feelings and actions due to my people pleasing tendencies. But searching for & reaching out to your birth parents pretty much pushes you to be a little braver than normal.
At times I still hold back from doing or saying things with my birth mom because there is more emotionally invested in my relationship with her, but that often leaves me feeling frustrated with myself. So my two cents if your in the search or reunion process let me remind you of what I wish I could shake myself and say on a regular basis.
“You deserve the peace of saying what you need to and doing what you need to. No matter the hesitation and fear you might feel, get out of your damn head & MAKE THE MOVE!”
kapeesh?
Love, Jenni
